silverdeathprop

Quit my RPs. They were my sites and I built them and ran them but definitely a good thing to do. Spent a couple days scrambling around trying to find somewhere I liked because a part of me felt I should be rping somewhere because I have never been without a roleplay site since I was 14 or 15. Stopped yesterday to read a book, realized there were plenty of things I had been doing before my time seemed to dwindle in to nothing during college times. Wrote more of some things, read more... and I've really missed reading. I've read more since I came home from college than I have all year I think - even last summer I don't think I read this much.

I love reading. New stories, new worlds - and for that matter new things to learn. I'm not quite as ferocious as I was during my teenage years where anything, absolutely anything I could get my hands on I read. Not everything is a good book now. I still like most books, but I understand more. If I want something that's easy to read but emotional feel good, I'll pick up a Lackey book, if I want to stare at the pages wondering if that guy really just did that, I'll pick up one of George R. R. Martin's book. And there are some books now I just have no wish to read again. And sometimes it's fun to pick up an author who just got themselves published for the first time and realize that it's good.

Off of my yay reading rant - online friend who I argued with is still friend. The things we argued about are still problems in their own way, but I can't stand confrontation. So they'll either cease to bother me, or I'll slowly stop talking to her - maybe the confrontation wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't already know how it was going to end.

Just to have something up I randomly posted a bit of a story on my writing journal. Honestly I didn't expect anyone on there to read something not fandom, and even if they did it's not even a full scene just what I had written of the second part/first chapter. I was pleasantly surprised when someone actually commented and liked it. <3

I like writing. I like rping. I do not like how I rp right now. I don't like that the rp site we have only gets the same old people. I don't like that I think I've hit a rut when it comes to play-by-post rp. And I have. I need to get out of it, and I'm going to leave some angry people behind - but when I think of not having the sites on my shoulders, I relax. Pern roleplay - it was fun but I've been doing that, and just that, for too long. To the point where I don't have time for other roleplaying. And I really want to.

I want to do more writing without the rping too, and admin the sites and catering to every question doesn't leave much free time. Sure, I have a good enough mind for the plots but. I'm wondering how it's affecting my personality. We all change as we grow up, I get that but I think if I'm crying over something caused by a game and thinking I'm going to lose friendships about it? Time to take a big step back. As in an out of the whole area step.

I want to write stories. I want to write about three siblings that shouldn't have been born, about gods that aren't gods, and about people who are people even if they aren't human. Maybe I want to write the clichés and see if I can do it in a way that is at least interesting to me. And if I rp again, I want it to be in a world that hasn't gotten formulaic. I want to change my mind and how it works. I want to be able to express myself better, to have a better vocabulary because the sentences above don't express half of what I really want them to.

I want a lot of things and won't get most of them but if the decision is making me feel relieved? Probably the right one.

WANT PSP!

The hell with the other two new KH games, I jsut want to play Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep. Damn you, Nomura, why can't the pretty be on a console?

...Strike that, then it would be on PS3, and I don't have that either.

New glasses today! Yay! My prescription didn't change a lot, but it was enough to make a difference, and I now have sun clips designed around my glasses. This pleases me, and I'll have to see if they make any difference in reading a book or the comp outside. I haven't had new glasses for three years, and these ones are nice - larger frames, but I think I agree with the woman who helped us that they do look better than the smaller frames. Plus, you know, they aren't faded or worn, and the lenses aren't scratched. Everything looks sharper. Mom got new glasses too, two pairs. She changed from the usual coloring and they really do look better. I didn't take as long of a look at her reading glasses though.

As a sidenote, I'll probably be reading HP7 within the next few days, and while I'm neutral on the book series as a whole, the fandom is hilarious. I don't dislike the book series at all, and I look forward to reading the last one - but the fandom is more amusing.

So yesterday, I'd been using the laptop without it being plugged in for a few hours, and using a graphic intense program. The battery is under twenty percent, a bad sign. I go plug it in, yays and all that. It gets up to near forties I think, and I'm still using the graphich intense program and out of the corner of my eye, I notice that the light on the power adapter cord has blinked off from orange, meaning it's giving more energy, to black which... means it's off. And it's plugged in. Focus more on that, and I go to touch it and notice less than an inch from where it's plugged in, the plastic is melting.

I unplugged it real quick right then and after a few minutes of snickering - because yeah, bad that it doesn't work, but come on, it just melted, dad finds that it's a known problem happened before. Today, my older ister drives me to the Mall, we get into the Mac store, and I place my laptop on the front desk, pull out one end of the cord, explained it melted... and the guy goes, "Do you have a pet?"

...Right. So I'm kind of stunned because, um, those aren't chew marks and subtelty still exists in my mind. A better question if you're that suspicious is, "What were you doing when this happened?" My sister points out it's a known issue while I pull out the other part which is even more obviously melted, and he's like, "Um, okay, we'll set you up an appointment with a technician."

Technician took one look at it and looked up the serial number and gave us a new one. We had told him it melted, he believed us. He did not ask, "Do you have a pet?"

Yeah, I have a baby dragon, but he was off destroying the local villages, so I don't think it was him.

See, I wish I could think of these things at the time. Would have been interesting thing to say - me and my sister made a few up on the way home because what person (who wants to keep their job anyway) actually says that? That's basically like saying we were lying - which I can understand believing, if you don't know about the issue, but believing it's one thing, saying it is another.

So, computers back, the new power adapter isn't getting very hot, but I've decided anytime I have a program open that uses that much energy to keep an eye on it and let it recharge to at least fifty percent before using programs like that. See, the less energy the battery has, the faster it recharges it, or so I've notices. That's how it seems to me. So having it down at 20%=recharging real fast and heating up real fast.

So that's my story. Now remember the moral everyone -remember to keep your baby dragon away from the wires.

Sometimes I read something or see something on the internet or in a newspaper or on TV that makes me believe that the human race is complete shit - but othertimes I see that same thing, and the intelligent, thought out, and very human and equally depressed reactions to it make me think maybe eventually we'll get it right. Maybe not now, maybe not in my lifetime - but maybe it'll all be okay someday.

And then I wonder if I'm not just dreaming and if one of these days we won't just kill ourselves - not through a Big Damn War but through something smaller. A virus, biological and unseen, or maybe the whole human race will just collapse and die, murdering each other and killing themselves. Looking around, it doesn't always seem unlikely.

Most likely, the human race will never get it right, and won't ever die, and we'll just go on and on being stupid for the rest of history - but there are a few getting it right. Just not enough.

So I've been a little - and sometimes a lot - worried about my classes, especially the week directly after Spring Break. Last week, some of my worries were eased and today a few more. Math is always a subject I dislike, but I did pretty good in it last semester - got an A. This semester was more rocky, or so I thought. I missed a couple of homework assignments, but my tests were okay and I made sure to do all the other homework assignments, even if those grades are sometimes not too good either - never failing any of them though. The last math test was on Friday and I did pretty good on the last homework set but there were still a couple of problems that I wasn't sure I was doing right, especially 4 and 5. Get it back today - 100%. And considering I got full points on my Java assignment when I thought a couple would be taken off and there's some extra credit for missed assignments in CAM so I can make sure I'm doing okay in there - all in all I'm doing better than I though. I might not make a 3.5 and get on the Deans list but I did like my 3.2 last semester so here's hoping I can at least get close to it this semester - don't think I'll quite make it but I don't think my GPA will be anywhere near warning level, at least.

This is also the time of year when we're all worrying more about our grades for some reason. it's like a plague - I think nearly all of us actually think we're in worse positions than we are so I'm trying to put that into perspective as well when I get overly worried about one class or another. Better than the not caring I did for parts of high school though.

So I just had to buy a new ID card - and then I went to do laundry after putting money on it. it was brand new, I checked it for things - and it came out of the laundry machine scratched in the exact place the last one broke.

... Yeah. So, I'm not betting that it is either malfunctioning a bit, or it does that everytime in all those machines and I just never noticed it and I'm going to have to buy a brand new card every few months no matter what.

First day of the new semester! Can't defininitely say how it'll be from just three classes and a Lab, but Finite Math looks to have a boring teacher - and math itself has never really excited me. The Contemporary American Male... Well, we'll see. I basicaly picked up that for another class, I think it might be a little interesting. Cultural Anthropology... Hmm. Possibly very interesting, but it'll be note heavy so I'll have to see.

I had the Lab for Java before I had the class, so that was fun, we programmed a little intro prgram that changed the background colors. I have to admit I like making programs, or I did in Computer Fundamentals, so I think I'll do fine in this class. Tommorrow I have that class and another Gen Ed one, about art - the history of it I think. It was one of the few classes open but on a bonus, it will help keep me on a mostly even slee schedule. I find it hard to sleep here again - it's like I never really get into a deep sleep and randomly wake up. Confusing.



Note: Using my glasses lens cleaner to get rid of fingerprints on my monitor works well. Clean monitor = yay!

So, the two cats there have been many problems with? Are now two feet from each other. Not in the "Grr Argh, Fight Fight Fight!" kinda way, but in that the newer cat is passive aggressive in his "You shall learn to get along with me" tactics. He jumped onto the arm of the chair. She almost attacked him, but I kept talking to her and he... turned his back slightly and is now pretending (...I think.) to sleep. And she is slowly closing her eyes and may sleep herself. Or at least get less tense.

This isn't cuddling up and grooming each other but there's no noises and they aren't attacking. It's progress and it is good. Except I can't go to bed because everytime I move to much the female starts getting pissy again. So I must wait till she sleeps? Or until there is nothing left on the computer to do.

Sims 2 Pets > everything else currently, so... yes. My sister is wonderful and gave me a nice time consuming gift which between it and videogames and new DVDs will... Well, I don't really need a social life in college, right?

My Sim dogs had puppies. They're adorable. I must play with this game more.

Despite knowing I'll be here for a month plus, it still feels like I'm just here for a few days. However, there are no cats at college, and therefore home is better, cramped as it is. I need to clean out my closet with the mindset for clothes of, "Are you ever going to wear this again?" though I don't think there's that many clothes left in there fitting in that category. Then the boxes... Hmm. I think I'll have to get rid of some of the stuff despite really wanting it. I don't need it all. I need to make a list of everything in there or label the boxes or something. And I need to fold up the blankets and stuff them at the top. I think I need to make a to do list in a couple of days because I am not leaving the closet that cramped all of winterim.

Also, despite being brats, I love my cats and dog.

Roommate number 2, you're kind of like a real life fanbrat, just without the fan, which makes you more of a real life bitch, doesn't it? We watched a couple shows that had women kissing in it. Her disgust wasn't that they were lesbians, it was that they weren't pretty. One was overweight and one apparently, looked like a boy. Which, she didn't but, you know, R#2 is critical of everything. So she's like "It would have been okay if they were pretty!" basically. I'm sitting like... "Um... So she thinks plain people shouldn't be allowed to kiss? Okay! Obviously when I get a boyfriend there should be no bringing him to the room." And they weren't even ugly. Hell, they weren't even really plain. They were on TV for pete's sake, on a popular television show. My god, does she have to be overly critical of everything? We have purple curtains. And my rug was pulled up for a white one because green wasn't girly enough. Okay, fine, not girly enough for you, whatever. But when you start making comments about how it's only okay for girls to kiss if they're pretty, and you have to comment about everytime you've heard girls having sex together in our hallway and how gross it is... Argh. You think you're so "open" about things, but you really, really aren't. You pick at clothes and outfits, you just... you're like the stereotype of the type of person I would never want to room with and I seriously hope Megan's roommate does move out so I can go over there because even though Megan has a few things we squabble over, she's not so blind. I love RM#1, she's a sweetheart, but just being in the same room as you lately is stressing me out, and you ranting to your friend when you think I'm not in the room (Kinda of loving the blanket I used on my bed to block out the light, I get to hear the most interesting things) and never saying a thing about it t me is not fucking good. We're supposed to talk, but considering I'm the most socially awkward person in the room, and even when I do say hello you ignore me, this obviously isn't going to work.

Note to self:

You know, when your fall climate's warmest temperature is somehwere around very chilly and coldest is "Omg freezing" and the weather conditions range from "there might be sun behind that cloud", "looks like rain", "sorta raining", "raining", "downpouring", and "Here, have a flood" maybe it would be good to wear, I dunno, a jacket. The umbrella your parents told you to bring? You might wanna take that out. Also, your headache probably isn't from the lack of water since you've been making sure to drink plenty, but, I dunno, the fact you went outside in the freezing downpour with no jacket or umbrella and you could be getting a cold. Just a thought.

After deciding I should read Anansi Boys finally, I realized I don't even know if I got it back from the last family member to read it - everyone else tended to take longer to read so I stopped asking and... damn it, I may need to have it shipped up unless it's at the bottom of the other box of books. I don't remember packing it though.

Guess who locked herself out of her dorm room again? Really, go ahead. THree guesses and the first two don't count if you don't say me.

This is of course after a long story of various other events which led to me being so annoyed that I basically went outside with only a few things in my pockets. These things are neither my id card which means no dining hall, nor my keys... since they're all connected.

I do however have my phone, and my ATM card. Why I have my ATM card has to do with the long story which I refuse to tell because someone is already going to call me an idiot and telling the story would make me moreso. I can call myself an idiot perfectly well.

However, it's not an emergency at the moment. Once it gets near dinner time then I'll bother call one of my roommates and ask if they could come unlock the door for me. Or find a CA.

So my roommates are having a party later. obviously I will be partying as well! Not. Instead I have put up one of the fleece that my parents got me so I can be in my pajamas and still feel comfortable. Yay for having a bottom bunk where I can put up random pieces of cloth. A good thing this party is before one roommate rearranges the furniture to put her bed off of mine and somewhere else. I don't know exactly how they're doing it but as long as it doesn't involve having to unplug the big surge protector, I dun care. I have to put up another creative writing piece for my W&CR class, but I'm not sure what to write. Or rather, what to write for the class. Writing random scenes I can do, but writing something I'm going to show to someone else... Eh. I might do another scene from the same 'verse I did my first posting from since it's also the one that needs the least background since it's Earth and all and the names and such are normal and... yeah, probably do something about Danny, I need to work on his characterization anyway. Other people seem to be doing either poetry or real stuff. Then I have to find a topic for Composition. Ugh.

In my First Year Seminar (How does having gay parents affect children?) we had members of ALSO (our Gay-Straight Alliance like club) come in and talk. That was interesting though the question of one of my classmates was a little... Well, I think she's just a little ignorant about some things I guess and I can't blame her for that. It probably doesn't help that she talks normally like this really stupid girl from high school. Also the people in ALSO were saying that the reason may of them had come to Plymouth was because it was a... hmm. Can't remember what word they used. But that for NH that it was... something. Argh! This is why I should have taken notes. But they said something about it being the a large open minded community and that many of them had chosen to come here because it was the... mecha center of the gay community in NH? That doesn't sound right. But, it was interesting. They shared stories of how they came-out and incidents of prejudice, and one girl has a trans-gender Dad so she explained that since it was central to our topic.

Math was boring. I feel like I'm relearning many things. Which I probably am. In Computing Fundamentals earlier this week we were building stuff. Gates and such. It was interesting - not something I think I'll be doing much later in life, but I do like learning about it and frankly - learning to build from schematics is less boring than listening to lectures about psychology - which was interesting to read about in high school, but not to listen to. I'm glad I didn't take Psych, because apparently the teacher that most Freshmen have? Lectures the whole time.

We spend way too much time in the Dining Hall when we eat. We finish up and then we sort of... sit around and keep talking. Also, the Dining Hall has excellent wireless. Shut up, I went in there with the laptop to write, I just happened to notice the excellent wireless. Really. And, outside of my Residence Hall has better wireless than inside in the study lounge. Not sure what that's about.

So, umm, on Monday, I have an 8 AM class, and then I'm free for a couple hours and then from 11:15 to 3:25 I have classes right after each other, oh god why? I also have another class, but it's my Writing and the Creative Process class. Basically my Gen Ed class, which is not only nice for being in the evening, but for having a cool teacher. And for having a boy with a sexy voice. Anyway, so obviously my subconscious while I was scheduling wanted to make sure I keep thinking of Mondays as Hell. Because, yeah, only one class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but four classes and a Comp Lab on Mondays? I'll know to pay attention more next Semester.

Also, hoping I get that Work Study at the reception desk cause... I want money. I also realized considering my schedule getting a job outside of a Work Study would be um... bad. Cause, that way equals less sleep and running everywhere. Plus I can do my homework at the reception desk.

Sleeping a lot more up here - we all are. I'm thinking it's the fact the air's a little thinner or something. Because I may have slept later at home, but I still only slept about eight hours a night... It just happened that my night was everyone elses morning. And if one of my room mates keeps being gone so much it'll be like having a double, except with some extra stuff.

And, lastly, saw an a capella concert, went with the group of us that David is gathering - which seems to be so far people not outgoing enough to make our own friends and that he sees sitting by ourselves. It was a nice concert, i just left two times in the middle to do my laundry.

P.S. If anyone follows this journal for the fandom stuff, visit my ff.net profile and friend the new one.

My first class tomorrow is at 8 AM. It's a small campus so I'm not actually waking myself up until 7:15, but this is still only an hour later than getting up for high school. Also, this is every Monday and Wednesday - and one of my other roommates? Has an 8 AM class every Tuesday and Thursday.

...

Our other roommate wants to kill us, I think. Her earliest class is 9:30.

In other news, this means a Breakfast to Go, probably, and probably a late lunch - except on Mondays when I'll have to grab snacks/early lunch since I have three classes that go straight after each other. Fridays I have two classes around lunch time, so not so bad, grab a brunch before them. And Tuesdays and Thursdays... Yup, I don't have to worry about food at all. It's 3:30 to 4:45. Lunch closes at 1:30 and Dinner doesn't open until 4:30 and is open until 7:00. Somehow, I don't think that class will be a problem. It's composition though, so we'll see what it's like.

In my dorm room. Yes, I am now moved into college. It feels... odd. One of my roommates seems perfectly nice and normal. Not sure about the other yet, she just got here, though she has mentioned the word party a lot. I'll probably have settled in more and actually know what they're like without their parents around in a few days.